Do you think trauma is the only requirement for inner work or shadow work?

I had a client recently say that he observed most shadow work or inner work programs are tailored for those with trauma, but not entirely.

Let’s use “filtering” our words and emotions as an example, here.  Filtering is a behavior that is learned and conditioned within us that at a basic level, yes, should factor in compassion and respect, but when does it become toxic physically and psychologically?

Filtering is a very subtle behavior, and also why I’m using it as an example. Its level of toxicity ultimately boils down to your intention behind it, especially when those inevitable hard truths need to be conveyed. 

When we filter out of fear of judgment, rejection, abandonment, or to avoid an emotional outburst the subconscious pattern/belief system that is playing out is:

- I am not safe to be real, be authentic with this person

- I am not loved or respected as I am

- I am often misunderstood by this person, or this person is not willing to understand me (there’s a difference)

- I cannot trust that this person will hold space for me to say what needs to be said

- I have to hold back because I will not be received with care

Foundationally, it’s important to understand that our body keeps a record of what we suppress, creating a lasting imprint on our physical and emotional well-being.

Our beliefs and corresponding emotions can influence the energetic frameworks within and throughout the nervous system, and if “bottlenecks” occur over time they create a build-up of energy or density in our organs and systems of the body. Imagine a boulder on a highway impacting the flow of traffic.

In this case, when we filter out of fear where does the energy get held in the body? 

The throat/jaw/ears, the chest/heart, the stomach, and depending on any secondary emotions that arise, such as anger, resentment, frustration (liver, gallbladder), or anxiety/stress (stomach ulcers, lower back or hips). Trapped, un-processed, energy can manifest in many ways, from subtle displacement ticks, and maladaptive behaviors, to sickness, pain or dis-ease in the body.  

Disclaimer: when there is dis-ease in the body, go to a doctor to see if they can address the physical, but if the root of the problem is psycho-spiritual, you have to look at the issue holistically: body, mind and spirit/energy.

Ultimately, when there is a need to speak a “hard truth” it should come from a place of care for the connection; a desire to sustain harmony and balance in the connection, correct? 

Being clear and direct is kind. When we don’t say anything, we just keep enabling and allowing the behaviors to continue. 

However, we can never really control how someone may perceive, and react to, us at the end of the day, so show up in the best way you can. Say what needs to be said with what I call a baseline filter of compassion and respect, and hope that they will receive you with care. If someone truly values the connection they will not want to keep hurting you. 

Where things can get sticky is when we think we can control someone’s response to us - that’s when we are treading the line of potential manipulation.

When it comes to accountability, I always say you are responsible for how you feel but they should take accountability for their actions and be willing to meet you halfway.

If change or harmony isn’t achieved, that’s when you may have to make the difficult decision to lovingly detach. 

Inner work doesn’t always have to stem from trauma, and the opportunities presented for inner work can manifest in many ways. Inner work is essential for personal empowerment, growth and development. It promotes positive change and helps us hold space for ourselves and self-reflect to identify the beliefs, thoughts and behaviors that prevent harmony of the body, mind and soul. It is a process fueled by a deep-seated desire for alignment that many would say is hard to define, yet cannot be denied.